


Stronger and gentler

by SillyNonsence



Category: Rammstein
Genre: Anger, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attack, Panic Attacks, Safety, Survivor - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 19:04:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21202562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SillyNonsence/pseuds/SillyNonsence
Summary: Richard and his girlfriend Elise have been in a relationship for some time now. They know each other well, but some things are still a secret between them. Sharing the past trauma is not easy and the demons like to come back.





	Stronger and gentler

The air had it's first crisp to it as it was a late October evening. Berlin was breathtaking in the autumn. Elise was just walking back home from a shopping trip to get some things she and Richard were missing. He was currently having what he called a ´jam session´ with Paul. But she knew it was just a way for the two of them to spend some quality time together. She didn't rush to get back, enjoying her bit of calm in a rushed city. 

Elise was standing in front of the familiar front door soon enough and honestly, she was glad, her bag was getting heavier. She fumbled with the keys trying to find the right one and was glad that the building had an elevator. As she wanted to step in when it came down, she suddenly met Paul, who was getting out. 

„Hi, Paul! Done already? I thought you were staying for dinner.“ said Elise. 

Paul frowned a little and made a face. „Yeah, I'm just leaving. Sorry. Catch up another time?“

„Sure, no problem. Have a lovely evening, say hi to Arielle.“ she said smiling slightly. 

„I will. Bye, El.“ said Paul and turned to walk away. 

Elise was just getting into the elevator, pushing the right button to get to the apartment. Yet Paul's hand stopped the elevator door from closing and his face appeared in front of her again. 

„Hey, El... Sorry, just feel like I have to give you a warning. Richard is not in a great mood so do not be surprised. He is kinda on edge and I don't know why.“ he said. 

Elise's eyes widened, but she smiled nevertheless. „Thanks for the warning, Paulie. I'm sure he will calm down.“

„Hope so. You work like magic for him. Bye!“ Paul smiled and looked more calm as he let the elevator door close. 

Elise was thinking all the way up what could have happened to make Richard's mood sour. He was goofy when Paul came and she left. She checked her phone but there was no message or missed call from Richard. The elevator dinged and she shuffled out. The apartment door was close and she swiftly opened it. 

„Hi, I'm back!“ she called out as she was trying to untangle herself from the bag, her purse and then the scarf and coat. No answer came and she frowned. Richard usually came to greet her even if she was out for five minutes. She went in, put the bag with groceries on the kitchen counter and looked around. The apartment was dim, only a few smaller lights being on. That was also unusual, Richard liked the space bright and used his ceiling lights all the time. There was no sign of him. 

Sighing, Elise decided to first put the groceries that needed to be stored in the fridge away. Then she began her treasure hunt for Richard. He wasn't in the bedroom or joined bathroom. As she was walking down the hallway, she heard steps from inside of the studio. She knocked slightly and stuck her head around the door. She was greeted with a sight of Richard pacing around the room like a trapped lion. He seemed really mad or frustrated, running his hands through his hair and shaking his head. He turned to face her and just looked at her. 

„Hi, babe. I'm back. Is everything okay?“ she asked. 

Richard just continued staring and then shook his head again and scoffed „Hi. No it's not, as you can see. I'm pissed.“

His tone was nothing she have ever heard from him. She saw him angry before, but he never talked to her like this. She felt fear rising inside her, she did not cope well with anger of other people. 

„Sorry. What happened?“ her first instinct was to apologize even though she didn't know what Richard was angry about. 

He began pacing again now not even looking at her. He grabbed his phone and his knuckles turned white because of how tightly he was holding it. And then a rain of harsh rapidly hissed words came down over Elise. 

„Everyone I try to contact is an absolute fucking idiot. They sent my guitar to the other side of this fucking world. Fuck. And the main person responsible for that shit is not answering his phone “

Elise tried to come closer, holding her hand out to comfort him. As he felt her hand touch his shoulder he went rigid, stopping his movement all at once. Elise's fear spiked for some reason and she tried push the irrational part away. She would not let her past experiences influence her life now. 

Richard then turned and stared at her with his piercing blue eyes that now had a wild fire in them. Elise pulled her hand away slowly. 

„I'm so sorry, honey. It's already late in the evening. Perhaps everybody is out of the office and not working today?“ she suggested in a calm tone. 

„Like fuck they are not working. I will not leave that shit up until morning.“ he growled and then suddenly threw his phone against the wall of his studio. It noisily broke into multiple pieces scattered on the floor. Elise flinched at that noise. It was getting too much for her, too close to the still raw part of her. She moved away from Richard a little bit, her hands trembling and felt hot tears trying to escape from behind her eyelids. 

Richard didn't seem to notice anything and started walking again restlessly. 

Elise managed to say in a choked tone „Sorry. I will give you some space to calm down.“

She hurried out of the room not being able to hold back the tears now. She walked into the bedroom and the bathroom, closing the door. Her breathing was hitching, she was shaking all over. Elise sank to her knees in the corner of the room and then hugged her legs tightly. She knew it was a panic attack and tried to force her breathing to be steady again. But her thoughts of her ex-boyfriend and what he did to her were making it impossible. Flashes of his angry behavior, the humiliation, even the beatings were circling around faster and faster. 

There was a soft knock on the bathroom door. „Eli, can I come in?“ Richard said. 

Elise didn't answer, her voice caught in her throat and not having enough air to say anything. The door slowly opened and Richard walked in looking remorseful. His eyes widened as he saw her hunched up in the corner crying. He hurried to get to her, crouching in front of her. 

„Babe, what's going on?“ he asked and reached his hand to stroke her hair. 

Elise just saw a hand coming towards her and jerked away, hitting the back of her head on the wall behind her with a loud thump. She only howled like a wounded animal and cried harder. Her vision was becoming fuzzy around the edges, she was clearly only moments from passing out. 

„Hey, hey. It's okay. I'm here. It's okay.“ Richard tried to reassure her in a soft voice. „Look at me. Elise, look at me.“ he said in a firmer but still calming tone. 

Elise raised her head a little bit, trying to focus on his face. It was full of worry. 

„Breathe, honey. In and out. In and out.“ He led her through calming down, clearly knowing what to do to help the panic attack to stop. He was breathing with her, maintaining the eye contact the whole time. Elise was slowly calming down, her breathing becoming steadier and her skin didn't feel like it was crawling anymore. All that she could do then was cry hard and she reached for Richard's hand out of instinct. 

He hugged her tight, pulling her to himself. He murmured reassuring words to her, rocked back and forth to calm her down. After some time even the crying stopped and all that was left was a fog of exhaustion. 

„Baby, come. Let's wash your face and get you to bed.“ Richard said and helped her stand up.

After some cold water being splashed in her face, drinking some in the process he held her and led her to the bedroom. Once she was settled in the clean white covers, he laid down next to her and pulled her close. Richard continued stroking her hair and back soothingly. Elise was just passively laying, her mind felt empty. 

„Do you wanna talk about it?“ Richard whispered. 

Elise just shook her head. „I can't. I'm tired.“ she said in a breathy whisper. 

„Okay, honey. Just... was it something I've done? I'm sorry I was so angry.“ he said lowly, voice full of remorse and guilt. 

„It's... a long story. I'm okay now“ she said tiredly. 

„Shh, okay, Eli. We'll talk tomorrow. I am here for you. I love you.“ he said and kissed the top of her head. 

„Love you too.“ she breathed out and wiggled a little closer in his embrace. She really was feeling okay. Richard was nothing like that man. Her past will not become reality again. She felt loved and safe, she can fight the demons of her past with Richard by her side. With this warm feeling she fell peacefully asleep.


End file.
